The Road too travelled

 

Why do I plan anything?

May didn't go as planned.

My Contract ended early in at the end of May and before my company could find me another in Baltimore my mother had a stroke, and I came home to Georgia.

My mother is doing remarkably well, as her body broke down the clot and restored most of her function on its own. 

The ten plus hours of driving back on my own gave me too much time to think about everything that has happened over the last couple of years. 

I won't go into all the reasons life has turned out the way it has, because I truly don't know them.

All I know is that I feel like I have been in special edition comic book where the character is being pulled through multiple realities every couple of minutes and with each transition finds themself about to be eaten, devoured, squished or otherwise, destroyed. 

I have developed a new level of nonchalance over whatever life throws at me. Knowing I have no control over anything except how I respond to it.

And so May ended with me back at home. Grateful but overwhelmed and grappling with what to do next. 

So now what?

June has turned into a game of survival. All of my planned adventures with my family and friends have been thrown out the window and every day has been about me working enough to meet our basic needs. 

Each day I feel blessed to have the experience and opportunity to provide for my family. All the while being so utterly exhausted that I have run out of tears. 

Exquisitely aware of how blessed my life is. While recognizing the utter ridiculousness that has become my life.

I continue to plan because, what else does a responsible adult do? But I acknowledge that none of them will go as I expect/hope.

The current plan is for me to start another contract in Arizona from July through September. I guess we will see.

Don't believe the chaos?

                                                                    Here is a summary of just this week.

Monday: Shredded tire after screw flattens it while trying to get to my PRN position in a torrential down pour.

Tuesday: Long day in ASC ending with procedure, unable to get home until after children are in bed due to traffic.

Wednesday: Rear Ended with shoulder/neck pain while stopped, missed putting children to bed due to being the ED.

Thursday: Get to go to work less than 12 hours after getting hit.

Friday: 22 ASC patients and an extra hour of charting puts me home after dark.

Saturday: Find out that my grandfather brought Bedbugs into my home when he unexpectedly visited two weeks ago.

"Que sera sera... Whatever will be, Will be... The Future's not ours to see"